Monday, March 31, 2008

Shoulding Myself

I've been trying different things. Approaching the writing from other directions. That is the point with writing exercises. The beauty of the freewrite to let your intuition rule in what you write next. And you get to discover things that you never expected. And it has been said that there is surprising wisdom in my intuition but I rarely let myself be enough to catch it. Natalie Goldberg calls it a first thought that gets buried under a second or third thought.

The point of doing writing practice is that I do it whether it gets me somewhere or not. Difficult to do. Especially for me as I am always trying to get somewhere and I am always convinced that one thing or the other is going to provide the route. But I guess the other hand of that is that I'm good at making vows to myself. And if I make them I keep them.

I am undecided today. Not new news. I am not sure which way I am going. I know I should just let myself be. I can't accept it. I think I must take the best route, the most efficient, the most likely to pay dividends. I'm guessing that's the problem. It's a core value. There shall be no goofing off. But so much of creativity requires the goofing off. That is the crux of my struggle.

Here's a question: What is your approach when you scrub the shower? Do you lock yourself in the bathroom, clean it while you are naked, and allow yourself the very first clean shower? Or do you take the last dirty shower and then clean it for the next person? Either way are you finagling efficiency out of the deal. Thinking and planning how to approach the clean shower. Combining two tasks into one and not getting any of your clothing wet in the process. Naked or not, there is no spontaneity in it. This is what I'm talking about.

As Always,

Writing Exercise:
Interview your eight year old self. Ask her what she would like you to do today. Make a list of things she would like to get done. Do your best to have a conversation. She's interesting and you don't get to talk to her very often.