Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Where we are at.

Got back on Monday from Rachel's cabin. Have been feeling a little insistent on working so it has been harder to take the time to blog. There is a part of me that knows this is not right thinking. That I am putting false deadlines on myself and I am not sure the intensity is helpful where process is concerned. But even though I recognize that, I keep doing it anyway. I can't seem to stop. Don't struggle, just notice.

Here's what I need to do: Put my self in Heather's shoes.

Your secret is out. And it may be the cincher that splits up your family. It is hard not to hate yourself when you are the reason for everyone's pain. And once you get the feeling that you are the one to blame, how can you not start gliding through all the memories of the day, all the things you said and did, and not find more things to hate about yourself. This is the low point. This is the very worse it can get and the only way you have known how to stop these thoughts has been taken away from you. Not that it was so healthy to begin with, but now what do you do?

And that is exactly where she is at.

And that is where I need to be to.

As always,