Thursday, June 19, 2008

Here I am

Okay I am taking some time to blog. It's hard. I have been trying to work hard and the operative word is trying. I have a lot of time this week and I think there is such a thing as too much. I spend my time struggling and thinking I need to be doing it all the time. It's darn hard to do--submitting to the world. The writing and the ideas are fun for me. The hard part is letting go and becoming Heather, Jude or Michael or any of the other many characters. And then on the other side of that I feel like I better not complain. Thanks Josh, children, all other powers that be for the time to write. Thanks to the great, grungy, sexy elusive muse for the words that come. Thanks to meditation for the flow. Thanks to whoever came up with yoga. Thanks to Laurie who was my instructor today. Thanks to whatever readers are still out there.

As always (grateful, grateful, grateful, struggling, struggling, struggling),

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Freewrite Wednesday

tg goes to Clancy's meat market to get his vegetables. The vegetables are for his girl, but the meat is for him. He even just loves the raw smell of the place. He doesn't have to be a hunter here in this neighborhood. The food comes easy, someone else gathers it and at times even prepares it. It is not like the ice fields of home where being ferocious was the only way to meet your energy needs. This door is loose and old so it doesn't close all the way and he can easily slide his claws into the opening and pull the door back. The opening in the door makes the smell all the more enticing. That sliver of odor makes it's way into the air. tg can almost see it snaking through the air as if it is a cartoon scent. Those bears in cartoons seem to have no sense of self control. No, tg is not that kind of bear. He appreciates a good scent and it does make him salivate, but he is not about to loose himself to it. He will pick up the box of farm fresh vegetables and he will look it over. What can he make for the girl to eat today? And he will buy a treat for himself as well. He towers over the glass case. "Hello," says the skinny man with the goatee behind the counter. The man always wears a bow-tie and tg appreciates this attention to detail. Tg waves his paw. "One second I will get your box," the man heads into the back. Tg eyes the prepared bacon burgers and the spice rubbed flank stake, but he feels that today he would like to do it himself. The man returns, peering into the box. "They sent some kohlrabi today, and I think asparagus, radishes and some tender greens. Green garlic." The man gestures towards the fish section. "A treat today? I know you like the scallops." The man's eyebrows were raised and he had the smile on his face. A bear does not talk like a human. But to see tg's brown eyes was to know exactly what he was thinking. "The spice rub is very good, yes, and I do know you would like it but, you're right it would be fun for you to spice something yourself. Try the scallops. They would make a delicate meal with the asparagus and green garlic. I wish I was coming for dinner." He grabbed a huge handful of the white scallops and placed them on a sheet of paper. He added another handful. Looked at tg and asked, "Does that seem right?It would never do out on the ice fields, I know. But here," the man shook his head, "one doesn't need to work as hard."

A little freewriting antidote to the blues.
As always (or less),

Monday, June 9, 2008

Am I there yet?

Use the blog to see if I can get my head where I need it to be.

I come to work today. I start reading my words(it has been a weekend that has been word free). Right off the bat, I like them. I think they sound like natural speech, but my question is, did Micheal really say them? I sometimes feel so stuck between the writing and moving forward and the flow, which seems like knowing the inside of every one's head. Would Micheal say "there's nothing so glamorous about that"? He might. He's comfortable with Sandy and it is the end of a long speech and he is talking about his own tantrum. Yet the fact that I worry about it, does that mean no, he would not say it. And how easy would it be just to ditch those words all together? Easy perhaps. So I cut that line and see how it hangs together. But I still have to hear it. It feels like so much work to just hear the words in my head. I'm stuck again in that transition, throwing myself over the line, from this side, the side that writes emails and reads people's weblogs, to the other side, where I suffer with Heather and Michael.

Me: Michael, what would you say?
Michael: I am talking to sandy and I want him to think I am cool. Of course I would say glamorous. Kids books should have the word glamorous in them. And boys should say glamorous. So there.

Well, there you have it. My characters always talk to me like that when I ask them simple questions. Don't they want to be consulted? Perhaps it's me. Perhaps I am too sensitive

As always (closer than before),

Friday, June 6, 2008


I started to post yesterday and decided to stop. Can you believe that? I decided I needed to go to work. Which is the case today too, but I will take a few moments to say I think this blog is in flux. It's time to transition to something more focused. It's like a writing project. It has to have its center, something that keeps me from flipping wildly about in space and also keeps me interested. The blog has been extremely useful in helping me find my way into a writing routine with the novel, but, as I found a sense of direction there, I lost it here. I also just read and article about blogging by Emily Gould who is a former editor for Gawker. The article is on the New York Times website. It is a heart wrenching account of "oversharing." It could be read as fair warning. As an editor of Gawker she was way deep in airing peoples dirty laundry and letting commenters go to town on it. But the tables turned. It is an interesting line that you watch over. She writes about getting hooked on the comments, the interaction. It seems to me that you have to be okay with writing into the void. But then what do you do when there is not one? What is the purpose? Is it a community you are organizing? Are you looking for internet fame? Are doing it because you enjoy it? Are you not suited for anything else? Does it just feel good? We'll see. It is food for thought.

As Always (late to work),

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Sorry, not sorry

I have been reading other peoples blogs. And most other people that I read imbed Youtube videos in their blogs along with links and all that jazz. Through which I have found a lot of music and other blogs and people and things that are interesting. A lot of these people share useful information. Critiques of books. Stuff like that. It keeps it fun.

I am too overwhelmed with the novel to come up with anything useful. I am loathe to spend the initial half hour it will take to figure out how to imbed a video or anything else here. I don't even know if I could do that on my myspace--but I could for sure do it on my blogger account and probably there is just some way that blogger makes it easy, I just have to look through the widgets. But, alas, I don't have the time. So I will apologize to those of you that read me anyway. Sorry that I do not take the extra time to learn all the fun stuff. Perhaps after this draft, I will feel less desperate to get these pages done. Then I will share John Green and his Nerd Fighting Vlog. And Justine Larbalestier defined a lazy extrovert in her blog (someone who is happy to stay home and read because it is so much energy to get out the door, yet they are an animated and boisterous socializer). I've decided that I am the opposite--an energetic introvert. I'd much rather stay home and read and write and cook and garden and parent but my obligations keep me socializing. So for now I must put my introverted energies to work.

As always(someday I will be more),

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Right Action

Right action. I have been setting my intention for right action. It is hard to do the right thing. Sometimes it is even harder to know what the right thing is. Sometimes when you get really wrapped up in emotions, something that is really not right feels so right. Breathe. Neighborhood politics. See how far this blog has strayed from writing.

Right action in writing. Work. Put one finger before the next on the keys. Don't get swept off your feet by ideas, stick to the truth of the characters, the truth of the action. As Patricia Polacco says, "of course it is true, but it may not have happened." That is what good fiction is all about.

The thing is I know right action in writing. I have found my way through this draft I just have put in the hours and get there.

As always (on my way to work),