April 5/Full Moon
Full Moon happens today for Minneapolis close to the juncture between the 5th and 6th of April. My Moon Meditation post claims it is on the 6th and this post claims the 5th and I’m going to leave it that way.
The family has spread like seeds on the wind for this time that was to be all our spring breaks. And we will gather back together for Mom’s ceremony on April 29th. We are doing our best to stay connected via text messages of pictures of what we are doing, but also the photos and slideshows of Mom that our iPhones send us. Full moons are for forgiving and releasing, which is essentially the same thing. And at this time of relative freedom, after being at her bedside for so long, we can forgive ourselves joy and ease, even in the face of her loss. If any guilt arises, know she would have wanted our freedom, even if she never wanted to leave in the first place. And she was one who always wanted her own freedom, even as she took her responsibilities very seriously.
Here, where I am in Israel, I feel her on every orange blossomed breeze. I am writing to you from my travels to a niece’s wedding in Israel, a plan that had been long in the works. it has been a joyous ocation.
Thanks for all the condolences. It means so much to hear from so many of you. We feel loved and we know you loved Mom. I also heard from so many that you loved to hear her voice. I promise to continue in that vein. Thankfully she left us with many writings to sink into.
After Dad died last summer I listened to Andrew Huberman Podcast about grief and started writing letters to him. I’ve written a few over the year. I wrote a little about the podcast in the linked post below from July 14:
I found the research he shared about grief to be very powerful. He describes all relationships as happening in 3 dimensions; space, time, and closeness. Grief is actually a process of reorienting to a new reality along those 3 points. As I said in this old post, Grief is a process of remapping my heart. It will take space and time to care for the wound there. We have had a small reprieve from our ordinary time and space this week since Mom’s been gone. And with this Full Moon (in Libra, no less! Mom’s sign - not that I totally know what that means) forgiveness will have its place in the process too, so often we have ideas of what grieving should look like. Let’s take Mom’s lead and do this in our own way. Let’s release what is needed here and now and make room for things to move as they are want to do.
This was written on my phone with very little internet, so forgive me where I have made mistakes and rushed through. Much love to you and happy Passover if you celebrate, beginning as it does here with this Full Moon.