August 11/Full Moon
Welcome to the full moon post! And it’s another rough one that I wrote on my iPhone and will need to be revisited later with my revision eyes. This post is to be faced with the gentleness of deer medicine. Deer has eyes of curiosity, of love and compassion. I am sitting down with the writing at the full moon which calls for me to confront whatever is going on at the moment. So I will do so like the deer, trust that eyes that see things as they are, without judgement. Deer’s gentleness has the strength to soften hardened hearts. For that is what they say deer medicine is about.
I am breaking with my usual practice here today by writing and communicating with the outside world even though I’m at family camp. I am breaking with my yearly practice in order to keep the weekly writing practice. Privileging one practice over the other, by choice.
St. Croix State Park has a few camps to rent, built in the 1930s by the government to employ and house civilians at a time of economic downturn. First built by the corps, then the corps were housed there as they continued building bridges, dams, and other things. They are not fancy camps. They are old buildings. We share bathrooms. We sleep in un-electrified bunk houses, make our own food and wash our own dishes. And at the end there’s plenty of cleaning up to do. We couldn’t do it without the infrastructure created by the socialism of the New Deal, 90 some years ago. We like the fact that it’s not our own place. No one of us shoulders the responsibility of hosting, although we try to be good stewards while are here. When the week is done, we are sad to leave, but more than happy to pass it back to the park and the next guests. We have created something here that now has its own momentum, both as a country that provides the system of management through our parks, and as a group of friends who bring it all to this place.
It’s not always fun and games. Sometimes there is drama, sometimes controversy, lots of meetings and decisions. There are the families that decided this was not for them and stopped coming. There were the rules that though we discussed and discussed, we just couldn’t agree on. But we kept showing up. Trying to see things as they are, and we prioritize the practice of family camp over other things. We are proof that the drama can be lived through.
Last night was the first time we left the entire dinner operation to Generation 2. They have participated in the meal making in many ways over the years. Some joining the pantry crew on their shopping trip, others cooking with the paired family cohort on their designated meal night, all participating in a organized leftover contest “Chopped!” to make a meal course for many years in a row. This year they got their own night and the adults got fed. Falafel and Shawarma and salads and pita. The adults got to be the kids, hanging out by the lake until the dinner bell. So grateful for their willingness to take on the responsibility. Because we certainly wouldn’t be at this camp without the willingness to do that.
It’s important to acknowledge the other side too. When the time is right, we abdicate control and let the next group fill our shoes. We love this place, but we don’t own it. We care for this place, but only for a week at a time. And not only in those ways, but also by supporting the administration of our park system, through voting, contributing through our rental and our taxes. And through our own labor, because we have returned to this place and activity again and again. We have shown up. There is reciprocity there.
There is so much more to say, but this is it for now. Except that, I have been intentionally bringing my past blogging into this present project. So far I have just been mentioning it’s title here and there. It was called Watch Me Practice. I began it on March 12th, 2008, after returning from the Big Sur Writer’s Conference. A gift from my mom to support my writing. I posted my last post on that blogger platform some 10 years later, after moving out of the Big House.
My intention was to practice writing with that blog. I did. I am moving the practice concept here, to this space. It seems like an eon since that last post in 2017, and I’ve done a lot of personal work since then. Things have changed for all of us. The world is different. And we are still a work in progress. With gentleness of the deer we go into that dark night of weaving all the things together. Thank you for being here with me as I gather it all in.
More soon.
Much love, Tina.
Beautiful commitment.